@Hyderabad, 20th Aug 2014... clock reads 12:15 am.. Sleep has betrayed me, so I decide to capture the flurry of thoughts and emotions before catching up on some sleep..

I never thought that I would live as many years in Hyderabad, as I did - nearly a third of my life! As I now leave this city, looking back at the years spent, brings back cherished memories - of the wonderful people, the places, the food and the journey.

...seems like yesterday when I found myself in this city of strangers, naive and coy just out of my college. As with most girls, my parents too accompanied me when I moved - to have me settled as I joined my first job in the city. A week of frantic search for accommodation, joining formalities and I was all set to get started with my professional life... Few days later, I was on my way back from the Company's Training center, when I got a call from my parents that their they were en-route to the train station. Still remember that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realized that I am on my own in this big city. Having always led a sheltered life, I was so unsure how I would cope. Had lived away from home since my Engineering days, but that was different. The only sign of relief was a couple pals from college and a handful of acquaintances. Thus began my journey in this city with unfamiliar names, places and routes, super spicey food and the language so different. Even the familiar sounding Hindi spoken with the Deccani accent was hard to comprehend!

Gradually all the unfamiliarity gave way to fondness and comfort. So much so that I developed a deep bond and sense of belongingness in this city. I don't know how much life would change after moving to a new city, but leaving Hyderabad behind isn't easy. This city will always be special for me.

@Pune, present day...

It's been little over a month and we've kind of settled down in the new address 'Pune'. So far it's been fairly nice in this new city. As it happens, after a while things turn routine (read monotonous) - travelling through the same routes and seeing the same places, going for dinners at the usual favorites, and doing the same activities. After a point, you aren't excited to do the same stuff anymore. Having moved here, has been such a welcome change in that respect. It's exciting to travel through the streets wide-eyed, discovering and making a mental note of things to do, places to go visit (read Shop!). Although I don't highly rate my social skills, but so

...and after a long hiatus, I'm back!

2014 General Elections are round the corner and I for once, have decided to exercise my electoral rights after all these years. My reason for abstinence all this while? A big confusion whom to choose out of evil and bigger evil! Crimes ranging from looting the tax payers money to planned encounters, from extortion to murders - the list is endless. And as a hapless citizen, all I do is just see the nation to go waste. Sad but true. I think "Absolute Power Corrupts". No matter which party comes to power - arrogance and corruption are bound to seep in, unless they are strong enough to fight those tendencies. But wait, that's after coming to power, what happens before it? Is everything fair and square as to how the campaigning is done, or for that matter elections are fought? Starting from criminals given tickets to contest elections to purchasing votes by giving cash, gifts or liquor, and ultimately rigging poll booths, The Great Indian Tamasha (read Elections) violates all norms and practices laid down for fair elections. And once the eletion results are out, foes turn BFFs and vice versa. All this to stay in power for 5 years and bring prosperity

There are countless number of blog, forums and debates on the www with a simple yet unanswered question are we doing enough to save this nation. The answer is a BIG No.

My childhood hero, my Dadubhai

I wish I realized how special this photograph would be one day when I would barely be able to recall these moments. The disinterest that clearly shows on being handed over a coconut to beat the heat, wouldn't have been there to say the least. But I couldn't care less about it. The soul of this picture is our 'Grand dad' or Dadubhai that we fondly called him, with whom we share this moment.

I have been fortunate to have grown up being loved and pampered unconditionally by so many in my family, but none so special as my 'Dadubhai'. While everyone around would keep mum at the sound of the authoritarian voice, I, without any care in the world would climb up on his lap and listen quietly all that he had to say. I never had a doubt how much he loved me. That's probably the reason why, one day when he handed all his young grand children a note asking whom he loved the most, I confidently wrote my name and not surprisingly won a prize for that! It was was an achievement that I couldn't stop talking or thinking about it for a few days.

The concept of pocket money didn't exist during my time or rather I wasn't introduced to it, fortunately. On certain occasions when I did get it from my grand dad, I felt so profoundly rich that I never feel till day when my salary gets credited every month. His love for food was undeniable. He loved everything that was fresh and probably that led him to converting the garden into some kind of a farm where he planted all the vegetables. He would proudly take me around almost every other day and show me every vegetable that grew. I would head back home to my mom with a bunch of veggies in my arms with Dadubhai's order to make them for lunch.

A well read and well traveled man that he was, he loved to know what was changing around him - be it the Oil crisis in Middle East or the era of Information Technology and Business Process Outsourcing. Before I got into my first job, he made me sit one day and asked me questions about what did I understand by IT. IT wasn't something I aspired of getting into and it didn't surprise me that I answered his questions quite poorly. But what really surprised me is how much he knew about it at his age.

It's been 6 years since this day, that our Dadubhai he is no more. The day before he peacefully left, he called me asking how I was. I hadn't been keeping well. Little did I know it was the last I would hear from him... Even though he is long gone, he lives is a me and no matter how old I get, I can never outgrow him. He always told me and my brother to take care of everyone around. While I could never do what he did for everyone, on this day, I wish well for everyone he cared about and even for the ones he didn't.

Be happy and at peace wherever you may be, Dadubhai.

Stop this shame!!!

2012 - The year started with the heart wrenching stories of baby Falak and Afreen and ends with the tragic stop to a young life Damini, Nirbhaya or Amaanat - whatever you chose to call the brave soul. While they were set in different circumstances, all share a common sentiment - of hurt, of shame and of indomitable courage. The hell they lived through, is a testament of how low has the human stooped. The world watched helplessly as the innocent lives fought in their struggle for life before they could take no more. They affected most of us. We rallied for stringent laws, better and responsible policing, faster judicial processes but is that going to be enough? The ones who committed the ghastly, inhuman crimes, were one among us. As a society, we have failed ourselves. Always believed that a child's first school is his home and his first role models are his parents. We live a paradoxical society, where on one hand we worship female forms and consider them symbols of strength, wisdom and prosperity and on the other, the women folk are considered second in the patriarch driven society. Every other day, we come across battered women who are ill-treated in their family, and in the society at large. While we all condemn such ill-practices, they still continue unhindered, unabated. If we wish to see an end to the crimes against women, we need to change, we need to teach our children to value and respect life. If not, no matter what measures we take, there'll never be an end to it.

Damini, every girl in the society relates to your pain. It's never been easy being a girl in this country. Most girls in the country have had their helpless moments, some were lucky to escape, while some where not, some lived to fight, while some could fight no more. But the pain you've been through in this brief life you've lived, is unthinkable to say the least. Yet, the strength you have shown is an inspiration for all of us. May you be at peace now and find your rightful place among the angels.

Home calling...

11 long years, it’s been since I left the home of my childhood. The address still etched in my mind, the memories still vivid. I can still run through those rooms in my mind. Each corner, each shelf, each photograph, so clear. The noise of the incessant rain hitting the roof, the comfort of the winter sun in the front porch, the furry touch of our pet, summer evenings spent star gazing with my dad on his easy chair, the smell of the ripe oranges in the winter afternoons, still fresh in my mind. I wonder how long it’s been and yet I still remember... The mind, in its strangest of capabilities has a way to preserve memories close to the heart.

Home is where the family is, I always told myself, never believing it though. The brick-concrete pile up too, is part of the memories. And I left mine over a decade back, never to see it again. Since then, had 5 addresses to call my home, but never connected. It gives a sense of comfort to see places that you grew up seeing, meet people, you grew up talking to. 

Life is about a constant change. Old give way to the new. Old experiences make way for new escapades. But somewhere, in some teeny weeny corner of the mind, you keep pilling up those memories... 

Merry Christmas!

Just like many, December is the best time of the year for me. As a child, December was always a favorite. The dreaded exams would finally be over and schools would close down for the winter break. Last day of the exam was special with the pre-Christmas festivities. Christmas carols were sung, the nuns enacted the play of Jesus Christ's birth and we stuffed loads of goodies and finally it was time for the goodbyes to the friends and teachers. Back home, I had the liberty to do almost anything! It never felt better. The sacrifices made, had given way to indulgences... It was almost I had conquered the Everest :) A few days into the vacation, and I would start prepping up for the Christmas. Making greeting cards, shopping for little stars and bells that I could hang on my Christmas tree and the grand party with all my brothers and friends on the Christmas eve. We danced, played and teased around the bonfire until our parents coaxed us to get back home. It was a ritual for me too, to hang a pair of socks for Santa's presents and my dear mom never failed to tuck in some chocolates in them. That was Christmas for me. Nothing grand, nothing fancy. Simple yet very special memories. As I grew, I realized understood the true essence of Christmas. Thanks to the wonderful story by O'Henry "Gift of the Magi". Some stories remain etched in your hearts, while you forget some. The story of Jim and Della, their love and sacrifice, reflects the true spirit of Christmas - spreading love and joy. 

Have a wonderful Christmas and best wishes for the festive season!

PS. The fairy tales I would read myself to sleep had a very different picture of Christmas. A white Christmas. I would dreamily gaze at it and say to myself that one day I would see it for real. That's one wish that's yet to come true. Hope it does, someday. 

A man who made a forest

It is late in the night and sleep seems to have betrayed me. Came across a small yet stirring article while I surfed the net. A man who created a forest. At a glance, sounded a bit strange to me. Of all my years of existence, had heard a zillion times how not-so-good people and not-so-bad-yet-helpless people encroached into the wild, disturbing the delicate balance of nature and life. I am aware of the few good people fighting for preservation of the wild. But this one seemed different, too good to be true kind of story. A story that made me realize that it’s not important how many or how few people are there with you when you want to do something good. You can make all the difference, just by yourself when you have the right intent and perseverance!

The Man and his Forest

The article goes how a labourer, Jadav Payeng, at a tree plantation site of the social forestry division chose to stay back after the completion of the project, to plant more trees over a span of 30 years; eventually turning it into a forest that now spreads across 550 hectares. The Mulai Kathoni or the Mulai forest, what it’s called now after its creator’s nick name, is now home for the wild – rhinos, tigers, deer and myriad varieties of our  avian friends to name a few.

I have often questioned myself how does the contribution of a single individual or a group of like minded people match against a race hell driven to its own destruction? Wonder if such questions ever cropped up in Jadav Payeng’s mind. Probably never; else he wouldn't have ever succeeded in accomplishing such an exemplary feat. I realize that the sense of logic and judgment that we have developed with our knowledge and experience in dealing with the world, is actually our curse. We think a lot, but do very little. We know what’s going wrong, but have arguments to let it be. We have everything at our disposal - information, technology and probably resources compared to the Jadav Payengs of the world. Yet we stand tiny in front of such humble human beings, who have so less but have given back to the world much more. 

I salute. I aspire.

A life to live...?

Ignorance is bliss, though short lived. As I bask in the bliss of my ignorance, I can’t help but notice the heart wrenching stories of crimes committed against the little girl child all around. An uneasy silence within, I shrug, it makes my guts twist and turn, as I try to grasp how far has the human gone.. As disgraceful as it might sound, India reports millions of female infanticides every year. Love for the son has gone way too far has transformed sheer hatred for the girl. But for what crime?

Society and prejudice go hand in hand. In a society which was built with a foundation that a boy bears the legacy of the family, while a girl is no more than a liability; it is not surprising to see where things are headed. A thought process inflicted with such prejudice and stigma continues to be rampant no matter how progressive the society becomes.

An oppression that began eons ago with the debate of which gender is superior, seems to be thriving even in this age after having survived countless generations, having passed on as a heritage. Why get into a debate which is a paradox to the core? Either couldn't have made it without the other. So who or what determines who has an upper hand?

A girl child could be as good as a boy, only if you gave her a chance to survive. 

Something like happiness..

It happened out of the blue. It was a promotion that was long due I was told by my skip level manager.  I had been expecting it for over a year now. But as luck would have it, it didn't until now. I did well, I knew. Three awards. A missed opportunity of being in my dream company. A missed promotion. A roller coaster ride, it's been for the last year and a half. And now, finally it was happening. Unlike what I had imagined, I wasn't neither happy nor excited. It was just a sense of relief... While I wondered at my lack of happiness, I felt a sense of satisfaction for the acknowledgement I received for my efforts. But that was it. I realized that getting something doesn't make us as happy, as not getting the same thing saddens us. While we waste countless moments fretting over things that didn't happen or have the remotest chance of happening, we miss countless moments when we could have been happier not worrying about them in the first place.

Do we realize that things that actually make us happy are quite different from what we have or want to achieve, what makes us happy and what simply adds to our satisfaction? I.Wish - isn't that what drives all of us? All of us have a wishlist - big or small, grand or humble - all of us do. We sacrifice, we toil, we compromise - just to see that wish coming true. But at the end, does it always taste as sweet as we imagined it to be? That's something we should sit down and ponder.

Sit back and prioritize!

Yeh shaam mastani...

It was Five in the evening as we half slept and half watched a movie on a lazy sunday afternoon. A sudden rush of enthusiasm ran through me. Lets pack up some snacks and carry some tea to the lake, I blurted. It had been a while since we last drove to a water reservoir 20 kms down to see the beautiful colours of the sky and the lake as the sun went down for the day. At first, A was thought it was one of my silly blaberings. But soon he realized it wasn't as I headed off to the put the ingredients for the tea onto the stove. And shortly, we were driving to the lake singing our hearts out...

The sun had just started to sink as I poured us some tea and opened a pack of snacks. It was a moment which could have looked nothing more than ordinary to a fellow passerby, but for the two of us it was special as we sat together sharing a beautiful view and sipping some tea as we conversed.    

Life’s Beautiful!

Probably sounds like someone mocking at you with a sly grin. But Life's duplicitous and that’s how it’s meant to be – after all there can’t be sunshine without a sunset. We breathe countless moments without realizing how beautiful and special they are; but once the moment is gone, we long for them in our hearts. How foolish it is! I realized I didn’t want to make a mistake by losing myself in this mad rush or losing mind over inane things, but rather but sit back and take notice of little things in life, learn to appreciate them. 

After all it's one life to live, one life to love! And yes, Life is beautiful with all its imperfections…

A dialogue with myself

Who am I? I find myself asking. No I haven’t lost my memory yet! On a more serious note, too many yet too few words – a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend, a career-driver woman, a home maker and so on; but that would rather be what role I play in a given social context, how good or bad I am; but that would depend on perspective which too doesn’t sound very reasonable, maybe it is what I have accomplished; but this would be what I have rather than who I am, or is it my conscience and emotional quotient which define how I respond to various stimuli; probably but not in entirety.

When I was younger, I was so sure of who I was, until a day came when I realized I had transformed into someone I never knew – for good or for worse. It was a strange feeling of contradiction after having seen the goodness in me as well as the meanness.  With time I came to terms with my own self. I learnt. I forgave. I realized I had only one ‘me’ to love and there was no escaping that fact. While some change over a period of time some, evolve. Someday when I’m done, I would rather believe, I evolved. 

Reliving the nightmare of War on Mumbai

As the world watched, the historical landmark of erstwhile Bombay go up in flames, just like millions of Indians, a deep sense of anguish besieged me. Watching all this on the television within the “secured walls” of my home, a sense of guilt and responsibilty has been playing havoc in me. The people who lost their lives due to the deviated psyche of some individuals, as well the people who died fighting them, were no where related to me, but still I wept inconsolably. Where is the world heading, I ask? What good does war bring in to anyone? After the battle of Kalinga was over, the remorseful King Ashok realized the futility of war seeing the battle field flooded with the hundreds and thousands killed and a greater number fatally injured. He said in a most self-depreciating manner that war leaves none the winner. His realization was true… With the exponential rise in these acts of terror, I just wonder how many lives are going to blow up in flames to fight it? It’s on the agenda of every political party these days. If I may use a jargon that’s commonly used in the world of business , it’s like a “delight parameter” that these parties have been offering to lure the votebank. Politics is something is hard for me to understand and get into. If something really bothers you, it’s your responsibility to get into it and set it right else turn a blind eye. It’s the latter that I have been doing all these years.
Everything that exists has life and anything that lives, is destined to die. So were these people who died in this mindless carnage. Even the people who planned and executed this gruesome death game, were living beings. I can’t call them human. They did breathe but they didn’t have a soul… They too had families, they too have fear of death… How was the transition for them – psychologiocal and moral? What could have driven to perform such inhumane acts? How were they convinced that such acts could give birth to something good? It’s always said that continual oppression at times flares the flames of terrorism. I have grown up in a place which has been inflicted with this disease since the past three decades. The root cause might have been oppression that the people faced but now with the changing times, the cause has come a long way or rather it has literally gone for a toss. All the enemies of the state or the world at large have joined hands to create a bigger and a well-equipped network of terror. Are all these people fighting for a cause which can be defined as justfiable by the other section of the population? What demarcates the two sections of the societly – the one who creates terror and the other which fights it? What drives men to cross over to the other section of the population that creates havoc?
My heart goes out to the families who have lost their loved ones. Ever since this ghastly incident started three days back, I have been continually following it. But is that all I ought to do is what I ask myself? How am I contributing to the world when there is so much to be taken care of? Good academics, a secured and satisfying career, a life of content with the loved ones – is all I have been living for. This isn’t the first time when an incident has inflicted some worries, some unanswered questions upon me. But now I feel I have had enough. I need to act. I can’t simply wake up with a cup hot coffee and follow up on the television when the world outside is bleeding.

Flying without wings

I have always nurtured the thought of trying adventure sports. The rush of excitement that I felt seeing them on the television, made me feel that it was something I had to do… There aren’t many options around Hyderabad for such activities, so while in Bangalore I knew I couldn’t just spend all the time going places. Bangalore is a city bustling with activities of every kind. I really envy people who have lived/live here J  … Well an activity like this needs prior planning which I failed to do. I wasn’t sure if my friends here would be interested at all. But surprisingly they were in, the moment I suggested it to them. We looked at different options, called different groups to know if something could be planned at such a short notice (We were planning to go for it the very next day). Of all the possibilities, parasailing activity seemed the most feasible one at that moment. So that’s what we went ahead with…

Talking about parasailing, it’s the one of the safest aero sports (provided the harness doesn’t give away J). It’s a wonderful feeling to be flying high on your own. Nothing can beat it. Well, of course, a sky diving experience would be better of the two I feel. It didn’t last long. May be a minute or so, but none the less it was great fun. Only complaint would be that it wasn’t a nerve wrecking experience that I would have loved to have… May be something like that would need some proper planning on my part. Looking forward to the next experience…

Awakening..

My trip to Banglore had been special in many ways - a place I was so sure I would never visit. But I’m gad I did. Particularly having meet K (who was always more than a college senior to me), opened in front of me a wide range of possibilities that I could and I should do with my life. To speak more about her, she was the one who comforted me when I was a little kid in my early days of engineering – someone whom I have always looked up to. With time, our lives drifted apart. But still she is someone who would always be close to my heart…

It was a casual ring that I gave, once I landed in Bangalore. I wasn’t actually hoping to catch up with her. Don’t really know why… She sounded a little low. She wasn’t keeping well. I felt a tinge of sadness for having neglected our friendship so much and for so long. I decided to meet her. And the next day I was at her place. In spite of all the pain she was in, she looked as beautiful as always. It was good to see her world… We talked for long. I was glad to see how much she had changed in the past five years, but she was still the same vivacious pretty girl who always so different from the rest…

The meeting left me in a state of confusion and conflict. I was disturbed when I left her place. There were so many thoughts on my mind, making me feel restless. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to think. I wanted to sort out things… She was glad to see me in that state she confessed. That was her agenda she said later… And I’m glad she did. Sometimes you need a little push so that you can set out and realize your dreams…